| Everywhere I look in my house, there are | | | | thought patterns: think positively about your |
| improvements to make, and I am not talking | | | | potential to fix the problem(s). * |
| about the building where my family lives. By | | | | Work on each repair until you (or someone |
| home, I mean where you spend most of your | | | | else) sees measureable results. |
| time. Our houses shelter us; our | | | | |
| personalities and bodies are home, and | | | | Whether young or old, personal repair |
| sometimes home is not so sweet. Here are | | | | projects can be fixed. Neither youth or old |
| five recommendations that might change the | | | | age imperil your potential. Your perceptions |
| appearance of where you live. | | | | of success will determine the results |
| | | | achieved and the way you get the work done. |
| The aisles of Lowes and Home Depot fill with | | | | If you can follow directions and act on what |
| homeowners seeking hardware and lumber to | | | | you learn with a life-time commitment toward |
| make home repairs. Often couples debate and | | | | self-improvement, your life experiences will |
| argue about how to manage a project. | | | | improve. If you give up, or decide to live |
| Sometimes heated arguments take place at the | | | | within the malaise of routine, you will |
| service desk as clerks try to smooth over a | | | | forget the adventures of youth and old age. |
| consumer's anger. The irony is that the | | | | Using the right tools and following a plan |
| do-it-yourself homeowner has emotional | | | | with professional guidance could turn a shack |
| leaking valves with a few loose planks. Their | | | | into a castle, a pauper into a king. |
| conversation recommends some repair projects | | | | |
| on their true residence, where they really | | | | We know it is possible because we take steps |
| live. | | | | to make it happen. According to an American |
| | | | Psychological Association study, more than |
| We all have unfinished home improvement | | | | 50% of all Americans seek counseling or |
| projects (if you think you don't, ask your | | | | therapy. Not every therapeutic session |
| spouse). Home projects show up on a list. We | | | | works. A few factors help you achieve |
| check them off, and move on to the next one. | | | | success. It is similar to getting a home |
| We study, plan, construct, repair, and feel | | | | improvement project completed. |
| satisfaction with the project's completion. | | | | |
| We also have many unfinished personality | | | | Ever wandered up and down aisles at home |
| projects; just how do we get them fixed and | | | | improvement centers seeking the right person |
| finished? | | | | to answer your question. Oh, we can find |
| | | | plenty of answers, but many times the answer |
| Home Depot and Lowes have talented folks for | | | | just does not make sense. We walk away |
| plumbing, carpentry, electrical, and | | | | thinking, "I know that will not work." |
| gardening. Where do we find helpful resources | | | | |
| to fix the circuits of our personality, or | | | | Finding a healthcare professional or personal |
| nail down a loose plank in our biography? Who | | | | counselor is the same. You have to interview |
| helps us with personal improvement? How do | | | | many to find one. The "one" hears you, |
| we get the job done? | | | | replies, and you know what your hearing makes |
| | | | sense. You finally have someone who knows |
| A colleague said to me, "Ray, we can only | | | | what they are talking about, speaks your |
| help those who want to help themselves." | | | | language, and directs you on how to get the |
| During another conversation he told me, "Most | | | | repairs done. |
| people over age 30 have a hard time making | | | | |
| changes in their personalities." The die is | | | | When this happens, you find yourself |
| caste; the mold is set. Often frustration | | | | motivated to work. It takes work, |
| shows up when we get stuck and perplexed by a | | | | perspiration, and moments of frustration. At |
| personality flaw. We stride through the | | | | times, you will bang your thumb. At the end |
| aisles of life angry rather than resourceful. | | | | of some projects you will realize it came out |
| We walk in circles rather than marching to | | | | @$! backwards, and you have to do it over, |
| the help desk. Sometimes, we head to the | | | | but you will do it over until you get it |
| parkinglot muttering about everyone else's | | | | reasonably right. |
| incompetence. Our house remains a shambled | | | | |
| shack with rusted events strewn on the front | | | | How do I know this works. I have done it. |
| lawn. | | | | Finding the right person was serendipitous. |
| | | | He was recommended, but it did not go well at |
| Many suffer such burdens, and they are not | | | | first. We met on Friday afternoon. At the |
| alone. The American Psychological | | | | beginning of one session he said, "Ray, you |
| Association states that more than 50% of the | | | | are like a little boy who had the covers over |
| US population has a relative stuck in the | | | | his head. You lowered them to your chin, but |
| stupor of alcoholism. An alcoholic's | | | | that is all you are doing; you are not |
| dis-repair or dispair shows up in anger, | | | | willing to work. You are wasting your money |
| memory loss, and depression. Just about 14 | | | | and my time. It is better to end these |
| million American adults abuse themselves and | | | | sessions." I went home dumb, baffled, and |
| their family (National Institute on Alcohol | | | | angry. After hours of thinking, I called his |
| Abuse and Alcoholism). "Young adults, ages | | | | answering machine saying, "I am ready to |
| 18-29, have the highest rate of alcohol | | | | work." It took ten years, two times a week. |
| problems," according to the National | | | | One day he said to a group of three, "Ray is |
| Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. | | | | bored. Ray on Monday come in to say good |
| This group is more likely to confront | | | | bye," and on Monday I did. That was 20 years |
| personal violence than other age groups. | | | | ago. |
| | | | |
| We all face dangers, and we face them at an | | | | Our homes need constant repair and so do we. |
| early age. Setting ourselves free, getting | | | | It is easier to fix a leaking pipe or a |
| the home-repairs to our personality fixed is | | | | creaking stair. Those projects require tools |
| challenging and hopeful. You just have to get | | | | and instruction to get the job done. Our |
| into the right aisle to find the person with | | | | personalities work similarly. If we struggle |
| expertise fitting your need. Before doing | | | | with issues derived from youth and family, or |
| that, Here are a few pointers (this is just | | | | an event we did not plan or expect, then help |
| an outline, not a total solution). | | | | is what we should seek, work is what we |
| | | | should do, and a finished and well-done |
| * Find a qualified professional. * | | | | project is what we should expect. |
| Research the cause of your need. * | | | | |
| Record the progression of events bringing | | | | Copyright © 2006, A. Raymond Randall. All |
| you to this point. * Change your | | | | Rights Reserved Worldwide. |