| Everywhere I look in my house, there are | | | | patterns: think positively about your potential to fix |
| improvements to make, and I am not talking about | | | | the problem(s). * Work on each repair until you (or |
| the building where my family lives. By home, I mean | | | | someone else) sees measureable results. |
| where you spend most of your time. Our houses | | | | Whether young or old, personal repair projects can |
| shelter us; our personalities and bodies are home, and | | | | be fixed. Neither youth or old age imperil your |
| sometimes home is not so sweet. Here are five | | | | potential. Your perceptions of success will determine |
| recommendations that might change the appearance | | | | the results achieved and the way you get the work |
| of where you live. | | | | done. If you can follow directions and act on what |
| The aisles of Lowes and Home Depot fill with | | | | you learn with a life-time commitment toward |
| homeowners seeking hardware and lumber to make | | | | self-improvement, your life experiences will improve. |
| home repairs. Often couples debate and argue about | | | | If you give up, or decide to live within the malaise of |
| how to manage a project. Sometimes heated | | | | routine, you will forget the adventures of youth and |
| arguments take place at the service desk as clerks | | | | old age. Using the right tools and following a plan with |
| try to smooth over a consumer's anger. The irony is | | | | professional guidance could turn a shack into a castle, |
| that the do-it-yourself homeowner has emotional | | | | a pauper into a king. |
| leaking valves with a few loose planks. Their | | | | We know it is possible because we take steps to |
| conversation recommends some repair projects on | | | | make it happen. According to an American |
| their true residence, where they really live. | | | | Psychological Association study, more than 50% of all |
| We all have unfinished home improvement projects | | | | Americans seek counseling or therapy. Not every |
| (if you think you don't, ask your spouse). Home | | | | therapeutic session works. A few factors help you |
| projects show up on a list. We check them off, and | | | | achieve success. It is similar to getting a home |
| move on to the next one. We study, plan, construct, | | | | improvement project completed. |
| repair, and feel satisfaction with the project's | | | | Ever wandered up and down aisles at home |
| completion. We also have many unfinished personality | | | | improvement centers seeking the right person to |
| projects; just how do we get them fixed and | | | | answer your question. Oh, we can find plenty of |
| finished? | | | | answers, but many times the answer just does not |
| Home Depot and Lowes have talented folks for | | | | make sense. We walk away thinking, "I know that |
| plumbing, carpentry, electrical, and gardening. Where | | | | will not work." |
| do we find helpful resources to fix the circuits of our | | | | Finding a healthcare professional or personal counselor |
| personality, or nail down a loose plank in our | | | | is the same. You have to interview many to find one. |
| biography? Who helps us with personal improvement? | | | | The "one" hears you, replies, and you know what |
| How do we get the job done? | | | | your hearing makes sense. You finally have someone |
| A colleague said to me, "Ray, we can only help those | | | | who knows what they are talking about, speaks |
| who want to help themselves." During another | | | | your language, and directs you on how to get the |
| conversation he told me, "Most people over age 30 | | | | repairs done. |
| have a hard time making changes in their | | | | When this happens, you find yourself motivated to |
| personalities." The die is caste; the mold is set. Often | | | | work. It takes work, perspiration, and moments of |
| frustration shows up when we get stuck and | | | | frustration. At times, you will bang your thumb. At |
| perplexed by a personality flaw. We stride through | | | | the end of some projects you will realize it came out |
| the aisles of life angry rather than resourceful. We | | | | @$! backwards, and you have to do it over, but you |
| walk in circles rather than marching to the help desk. | | | | will do it over until you get it reasonably right. |
| Sometimes, we head to the parkinglot muttering | | | | How do I know this works. I have done it. Finding the |
| about everyone else's incompetence. Our house | | | | right person was serendipitous. He was |
| remains a shambled shack with rusted events strewn | | | | recommended, but it did not go well at first. We met |
| on the front lawn. | | | | on Friday afternoon. At the beginning of one session |
| Many suffer such burdens, and they are not alone. | | | | he said, "Ray, you are like a little boy who had the |
| The American Psychological Association states that | | | | covers over his head. You lowered them to your |
| more than 50% of the US population has a relative | | | | chin, but that is all you are doing; you are not willing |
| stuck in the stupor of alcoholism. An alcoholic's | | | | to work. You are wasting your money and my time. |
| dis-repair or dispair shows up in anger, memory loss, | | | | It is better to end these sessions." I went home |
| and depression. Just about 14 million American adults | | | | dumb, baffled, and angry. After hours of thinking, I |
| abuse themselves and their family (National Institute | | | | called his answering machine saying, "I am ready to |
| on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism). "Young adults, | | | | work." It took ten years, two times a week. One |
| ages 18-29, have the highest rate of alcohol | | | | day he said to a group of three, "Ray is bored. Ray |
| problems," according to the National Institute on | | | | on Monday come in to say good bye," and on |
| Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. This group is more | | | | Monday I did. That was 20 years ago. |
| likely to confront personal violence than other age | | | | Our homes need constant repair and so do we. It is |
| groups. | | | | easier to fix a leaking pipe or a creaking stair. Those |
| We all face dangers, and we face them at an early | | | | projects require tools and instruction to get the job |
| age. Setting ourselves free, getting the home-repairs | | | | done. Our personalities work similarly. If we struggle |
| to our personality fixed is challenging and hopeful. You | | | | with issues derived from youth and family, or an |
| just have to get into the right aisle to find the | | | | event we did not plan or expect, then help is what |
| person with expertise fitting your need. Before doing | | | | we should seek, work is what we should do, and a |
| that, Here are a few pointers (this is just an outline, | | | | finished and well-done project is what we should |
| not a total solution). | | | | expect. |
| * Find a qualified professional. * Research the cause | | | | Copyright © 2006, A. Raymond Randall. All |
| of your need. * Record the progression of events | | | | Rights Reserved Worldwide. |
| bringing you to this point. * Change your thought | | | | |